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Sean Landeta Irate That Eagles Let Michael Vick Wear Number Seven (SATIRE)

with 7 comments

Landeta

 

In an angry, tear filled press conference, ex-Eagle/Giant/Ram/Buccaneer/Packer/USFL Star punter Sean Landeta lambasted the Philadelphia Eagles for allowing new quarterback Michael Vick wear number seven.

“Everybody knows that seven is my number, man,” said a visibly shaken Landeta. “When you think Philadelphia Eagles and the number seven, who comes to mind?

“Sean Landeta, fool. That’s who. You better recognize.”

Vick was recently released from prison after serving 18 months for bankrolling a dog fighting operation. However, that wasn’t Landeta’s problem.

“It’s about respect, son,” said Landeta, wiping away tears and patting his chest. “Respect!”

Landeta got angrier when asked if he had been drinking.

“Look, man, you can’t understand this, because you never strapped on the armor and went to war for the Eagles and five other teams.” Standing abruptly and knocking over the press table, Landeta, arms spread wide, then bellowed, “I AM THE GREATEST!”

Philadelphia quarterback Donovan McNabb seemed puzzled by the whole thing.

“Who?” said McNabb. “Sean Landeta played for the Eagles? While I was playing here? Really? Huh.”

Eagles President and COO Joe Banner said in a statement: “While we very much appreciate the efforts Shaun (sic) Landeta gave during his time here, the fact of the matter is that his jersey doesn’t make us any money. Michael Vick, on the other hand, sells lots of jerseys. We couldn’t care less what he did.

“It’s all about the Benjamins, baby. Ka-ching!”

Landeta clearly disagreed. “How many Super Bowl rings does Vick have? None. I got two. OK, so both were with  the Giants, but still. I’m a champion. He’s a felon.

“I mean, it was bad enough that they let Jeff Garcia wear it. I didn’t say anything about that. But this is too far. TOO FAR!” He then put his head down, sobbing.

Philadelphia head coach Andy Reid addressed it in his post practice news conference as usual.

“Uh, injuries, Westbrook’s ankle came out ok, he should be good to go for the season, uh, Celek, he, uh, his, uh, shoulder is coming along, he will play Thursday night, uh, Abiamiri, he’s, uh, close to 100%, he’s, uh, he’s chomping at the bit to get out there, uh, the Andrews Sisters still can’t do anything, uh, time’s yours.”

After being asked about Landeta’s press conference, Reid said, “I don’t comment on guys that don’t play here. I’m not gonna get into all that.”

Bobby Hoying could not be reached for comment in his van down by the river.

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Written by CrawleyAndWatts

August 19, 2009 at 2:03 pm

7 Responses

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  1. Hopefully whoever reads this garbage will realize that the professionals that are spoken about in this blog are totally misrepresented and the dope who thought it was cute to make up this fraudulant story will think about who he is degrading next time he decides to puke up his vomit.
    Anyone who knows Sean Landeta knows he is the most upstanding professional, considerate man out there and would never say ANYTHING degrading about anything asociated with the Eagles organization or any other organization. You totally make yourself sound like an idiot.
    Find a real job.

    Donna Bretzel

    August 19, 2009 at 10:19 pm

    • Good satire, I like this very much. I especially like how it allows you to label the article as satire so people that read it will understand that the article has no basis in truth at all. Thank god for laughter, it truly is a gift. The ability to laugh and not take ones self too seriously makes life so much easier to live.

      Bill Shay

      August 20, 2009 at 8:11 am

  2. *Dear Donna,
    Pull the stick, and by stick I mean Landettas’ *ick out of your
    butt, and by butt I mean a**. what I mean by implying that there is a stick up your butt is… oh forget it just google search SATIRE dumba**.

    *SATIRE

    Gregg

    August 20, 2009 at 12:56 pm

  3. I am a friend of Sean’s for 30 years and although I had not seen him but a couple of time or the years,he always acted professionally. My thought is Michael Vick has served his time and everyone deserves a 2nd chance. But, Sean has been respected and very professional thru out his years of football. He always gave over 100%,and giving Michael Vick #7 on his jersey is like a slap in the face. He should get a different #.

    Jennifer Jones McCollough

    August 22, 2009 at 10:00 pm

  4. MAYBE JUST MAYBE ONE DAY THE IDIOT THAT WROTE THIS GARBAGE WILL HAVE HALF THE CLASS OF SEAN LANDETA.I HAVE KNOWN SEAN SINCE 1992 AND HE HAS NEVER SPOKEN NEGATIVE OF ANY PROFESSIONAL ATHELETE IN ANY SPORT.HE RESPECTS THE EAGLES AS WELL AS THE OTHER 4 TEAMS HE PLAYED FOR.I UNDERSTAND SATIRE BUT WRONG CHOICE .AND GREGG YOU SHOULD SHOW MORE RESPECT TO A WOMAN UNLESS YOU SPEAK TO YOUR FAMILY LIKE THAT.MICHAEL VICK DOES NOT DESERVE TO BE IN THE NFL.THE LEAGUE SHOULD HAVE HIGHER STANDARDS TO KEEP THE FELONS OUT.

    Louie T

    December 8, 2009 at 10:58 pm

    • Louie T

      First, the NFL has no standards. They react to public opinion in their never ending pursuit of greater financial gain. If the public had made no outcry about the constant parade of NFL players through police stations and courtrooms the NFL would not have instituted its Player Conduct Policy. According to the law in this country Michael Vick has paid his debt to our society. His employer saw fit to allow him to return to work after he had served his time. If you feel so strongly about this you could withhold your money from his employer. Do I support Mike Vick and hope he does well, no. The NFL is a large corporation, and if you live under the delusion that most if not all large corporations will not do anything in their power to maximize profits I feel sorry for you.

      To say that Sean Landeta has never “spoken negative” about any professional ATHLETE somewhat lessens your credibility but who am I kidding this is a comment thread after an on-line blog satire piece. I think that Sean Landeta may have at some point spoken poorly of Rae Carruth, or Donte Stallworth, Leonard Little, Travis Henry etc etc etc.

      Bill

      December 9, 2009 at 12:07 am

  5. Lou, it’s a joke. Lighten up. And the Caps Lock button is above the shift key.

    And does it occur to anybody that there was another guy that wore number seven for the Eagles that has a legitimate beef here named Ron Jaworski? THAT’S why this is funny. A) It is completely out of character for Sean Landeta, who is, by all accounts, a great guy.

    B) Mike Vick is the third player to wear number seven since Sean Landeta.

    Sean doesn’t care. Why do you?

    thevoiceofthefan

    December 8, 2009 at 11:20 pm


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