Sean Landeta Irate That Eagles Let Michael Vick Wear Number Seven (SATIRE)
In an angry, tear filled press conference, ex-Eagle/Giant/Ram/Buccaneer/Packer/USFL Star punter Sean Landeta lambasted the Philadelphia Eagles for allowing new quarterback Michael Vick wear number seven.
“Everybody knows that seven is my number, man,” said a visibly shaken Landeta. “When you think Philadelphia Eagles and the number seven, who comes to mind?
“Sean Landeta, fool. That’s who. You better recognize.”
Vick was recently released from prison after serving 18 months for bankrolling a dog fighting operation. However, that wasn’t Landeta’s problem.
“It’s about respect, son,” said Landeta, wiping away tears and patting his chest. “Respect!”
Landeta got angrier when asked if he had been drinking.
“Look, man, you can’t understand this, because you never strapped on the armor and went to war for the Eagles and five other teams.” Standing abruptly and knocking over the press table, Landeta, arms spread wide, then bellowed, “I AM THE GREATEST!”
Philadelphia quarterback Donovan McNabb seemed puzzled by the whole thing.
“Who?” said McNabb. “Sean Landeta played for the Eagles? While I was playing here? Really? Huh.”
Eagles President and COO Joe Banner said in a statement: “While we very much appreciate the efforts Shaun (sic) Landeta gave during his time here, the fact of the matter is that his jersey doesn’t make us any money. Michael Vick, on the other hand, sells lots of jerseys. We couldn’t care less what he did.
“It’s all about the Benjamins, baby. Ka-ching!”
Landeta clearly disagreed. “How many Super Bowl rings does Vick have? None. I got two. OK, so both were with the Giants, but still. I’m a champion. He’s a felon.
“I mean, it was bad enough that they let Jeff Garcia wear it. I didn’t say anything about that. But this is too far. TOO FAR!” He then put his head down, sobbing.
Philadelphia head coach Andy Reid addressed it in his post practice news conference as usual.
“Uh, injuries, Westbrook’s ankle came out ok, he should be good to go for the season, uh, Celek, he, uh, his, uh, shoulder is coming along, he will play Thursday night, uh, Abiamiri, he’s, uh, close to 100%, he’s, uh, he’s chomping at the bit to get out there, uh, the Andrews Sisters still can’t do anything, uh, time’s yours.”
After being asked about Landeta’s press conference, Reid said, “I don’t comment on guys that don’t play here. I’m not gonna get into all that.”
Bobby Hoying could not be reached for comment in his van down by the river.
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