2009 Fearless NFL Predictions and Week One Picks Against The Spread
The NFL is back!
Here are some predictions for the year. All picks are for recreational purposes only:
NFC East champ: Giants (Number one seed)
NFC North champ: Vikings (Number two seed)
NFC South champ: Saints
NFC West champ: Seattle
NFC Wild Cards: Eagles and Packers
NFC Champ: Eagles over Giants
AFC East champ: Patriots (Number two seed)
AFC North champ: Steelers (Number one seed)
AFC South champ: Colts
AFC West champ: Chargers
AFC Wild Cards: Dolphins and Ravens
AFC Champ: Steelers over Ravens
Super Bowl Champ: Eagles over Steelers
MVP and Comeback Player of the Year: Tom Brady
Offensive ROY: Knowshon Moreno
Defensive ROY: Brian Orakpo
Not that it will happen, but the team with the best chance to go undefeated: Steelers
Not that it will happen, but the team with the best chance to go winless: Chiefs
Team that is better than you think: Raiders
Team that is not as good as you think: Colts
Team that is exactly as bad as you think: Chiefs
Best team to miss the playoffs: Bears
Worst team to make the playoffs: Saints
Week Terrell Owens goes off on Trent Edwards: Four
Week Eagles fans call for Andy Reid to get fired and Donovan McNabb to get cut: Two
Week Jim Zorn, Wade Phillips or gets the dreaded “vote of confidence:” Eight
Week Brian Westbrook gets hurt: Two
Week Vikings fans regret having Brett Favre because he just threw three of those “God-why-did-he-throw-that, head-in-your-hands” interceptions: Six
Week Norv Turner has that deer in the headlights look: one
Week the Cowboys lose a game because of their scoreboard: Seven
Week I stop doing these picks because I’m lazy: Five
This week’s games (Home team in CAPS):
Tennessee (+6) at PITTSBURGH: The Steelers are going to win a lot of games this year. None will be by a lot. Except this one. Opening night, Super Bowl presentation, crowd in a frenzy. Steelers win big here, take them and give the six.
Philadelphia (-1) at CAROLINA: Somebody explain to me how the Eagles are favored here. The offensive line has not played together yet, we don’t know how the defense is gonna look, and Jonathan Stewart is going to play for Carolina. The Birds are notoriously slow starters under Reid, he is 4-6 in his career on opening day. This will be a good year, but not a good day. Take the Panthers and the point at home.
Miami (+4) at ATLANTA: A battle of two teams that are better than you think, unlike the Chiefs, who are who we thought they were. I like Atlanta to win a close game. Take the Fins and the points though.
Kansas City (+13) at BALTIMORE: I normally stay away from double digit favorites in the NFL. But Baltmore is awfully good, and the University of Florida would beat KC three times out of ten. The Chiefs won’t go winless, but it will be close, and they will get blown out a lot, including this week. Take the Ravens and give the thirteen. I can promise that you won’t be hearing “give the thirteen” a lot from me this season.
Denver (+4) at CINCINNATI: I don’t like this game. These are two bad teams. Cincinnati is slightly less bad and is at home. The key will be the Cincy running game, if anybody cares, and if you do, you need counseling. Take the Bengals and give the four, you won’t be hearing THAT a lot this year, either.
Minnesota (-4) at CLEVELAND: I hate Eric Mangini. The Browns have no chance of keeping Adrian Peterson under 150 yards. Farve will only throw two picks. THIS IS THE STONE COLD LEAD PIPE LOCK(tm) OF THE WEEK. Take the Vikings minus four in a blowout.
NY Jets (+5) at HOUSTON: Houston, somehow, has become a sexy dark horse Super Bowl pick this year, kind of like the Vikings last year. And we know how well that worked out for Minnesota. Take the Jets and the five and laugh all the way to the bank. Quick, before somebody sees you.
Jacksonville (+7) at INDIANAPOLIS: I hate Peyton Manning. However, the difference between him and Eric Mangini is that Manning is actually good at what he does. Jack Del Rio may not make it through the entire season in Jacksonville. Take the Colts, give the seven.
Detroit (+13) at NEW ORLEANS: Detroit has lost a staggering 17 games in a row. I smell the UPSET SPECIAL OF THE WEEK(tm). But not here. Take the Saints, they win big, give the points.
San Francisco (+6.5) at ARIZONA: Ah, here it is, I knew I smelled the UPSET SPE-never mind. Arizona? Your fairy godmother called, she wants her glass slipper back. Take the Niners and the points.
Dallas (-6) at TAMPA BAY: Ah, the home underdog. The six is tempting. If it was seven, I would take it in a heart beat. Then again, I’m not sure I can name three guys on Tampa’s team. Is Doug Williams still there? Take the Cowboys minus six. I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.
Washington (+6) at NY GIANTS: The Redskins have lost four of the last five in the Meadowlands by an average of almost 17 points. This is what we call in the business the “ka-ching trend(tm).” The Giants are the best team in the NFC. Take the Giants, give the six, and be glad you are only giving six.
St. Louis (+8.5) at SEATTLE: The Jim Mora era will be ushered in with a close win over an awful Rams team. The 8.5 is too big a number, take the Rams and the points.
Chicago (+3.5) at GREEN BAY: This just in: Aaron Rodgers is really good. Packers win an instant classic by a field goal. Don’t get caught by the half point, take the Bears and the points.
Buffalo (+10.5) at NEW ENGLAND: The Patriots are going to struggle this year. Buffalo will play well until TO goes off on somebody. I like Buff-what? Tom Brady is back? And Marshawn Lynch is not playing? Oh, never mind, take the Pats at home and give the points.
San Diego (-9.5) at OAKLAND: Eagles fans everywhere owe the Silver and Black a debt of gratitude for helping put them in the playoffs last year. I’m gonna be honest, the spread here annoys me, because I love nothing better that the double digit home dog. Still, Chargers win, but Raiders cover, take the Raiders and the points.
It’s gonna be a great year. LET’S GIT IT ON!