2010 Week 2 NFL Picks Against The Spread
Whoo-eee, was that a stinky week one. Just 6-7-3 against the spread, plus missed on the college pick and the STONE COLD LEAD PIPE LOCK(TM).
I did get the upset pick right.
I need to start with a clarification: I got carried away with my anger over the McNabb trade. Don’t get me wrong, I still hate the Redskins, but not more than the Cowboys. That’s just crazy talk.
As usual, these picks are for entertainment purposes only. If you use these picks for money, you are a dummy. Just laugh.
Philadelphia at Detroit (+6) Before the season, this was one of the two games I had as a gimmie for the Eagles. That was before both of these teams lost their starting QB’s. Now, instead of Kevin Kolb vs. Matt Stafford in an Eagles nailbiter, you have the reborn Ron Mexico versus some dude named Shaun Hill in this week’s STONE COLD LEAD PIPE LOCK(TM). Eagles win BIG. What’s that I smell a-brewin’? That’s right. Quarterback controversy.
Kansas City at Cleveland(-2): Here’s a game where you can throw all the stats out the window. Why? Because Cleveland is AWFUL. Not only that, they are starting Seneca Wallace, who hasn’t won anything since that time I drafted him in Madden Create-A-Team. Ask not, Eric Mangini, for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee. KC covers and wins outright.
Buffalo at Green Bay(-12.5) Sweet Fancy Moses, that is a HUGE number. Buffalo is really, really bad. Green Bay is really, really good. Oh, that’s why the number is so big. Maybe these dudes in Vegas know what they are doing. Against my better judgement, take Green Bay and give the 12.5. I can promise you will not be hearing the phrase “give the 12.5” a lot from me this year.
Baltimore at Cincinnati (+2.5) I say Cincinnati is probably the third best team in the AFC. Unfortunately for them, Baltimore is the best team in the NFL. Having said that, Baltimore will have a letdown this week after that emotional win over Buddy’s boy’s boys, take Ochocinco and dem with the points.
Pittsburgh at Tennessee (-5) Wow, that is a lot of points to give the Stillers. But I love me some Tennessee. Teams 3-6 in the AFC are Tennessee, Cincinnati, Indianapolis and Houston. Frankly, you could pick the order at random, without slighting any of them. Tennessee is really good. Vince Young has finally got it. And that other dude at running back ain’t bad either. Take the Titans, give the five, and pray for me that Mike Tomlin doesn’t beat me up after school.
Chicago at Dallas (-7.5) OK, Dallas, you guys were new to the STONE COLD LEAD PIPE LOCK(tm) last week, so let me explain how it works. When you get that honor, you don’t flip the ball to your running back who fumbles for a defensive TD as the first half ends. You sit on the ball, then come back out in the second half AND COVER THE FREAKING SPREAD. You got one more chance before I get mad. Dallas wins and covers.
Don’t make me put you on deathwatch, Dallas.
Tampa Bay at Carolina(-3.5): See, it’s like this. Matt Moore is, well, look, I’m sure he a fine fellow. But he is just terrible. TERRIBLE. But Tampa Bay, from ownership to waterboy, is a giant bag of fail. Hold your nose and take Carolina to cover. Pass the Pepto.
Arizona at Atlanta (-6.5) Say, remember when Arizona went to the Super Bowl? Me neither. Having said that, that is a touchdown spread. Do you really think the Falcons are gonna beat Arizona by seven? Me neither. Take the Cards and the points.
Miami at Minnesota (-5.5) We learned a couple of things in Minnesota’s opening week loss to the Saints: 1) Brett Fah-vruh needs training camp. B) Somebody taught Adrian Peterson how to hold onto the football. The first thing really isn’t important, but the second one is. Minnesota wins and covers.
St. Louis at Oakland (-3.5) I gotta wonder how many teams the Ray-dizz would be favored over. I’m gonna guess not many. The Raiders let me down last week. St. Louis is bad. I mean, like really bad. But, the Raiders are now back in the doghouse until they prove me wrong. Take the Rams and the points.
Seattle at Denver (-3) OK, Pete Carroll, I called you out last week and your Seahawks showed me up. Fine. Let’s see how you do with the added pressure of the label of UPSET SPECIAL OF THE WEEK(tm). Seattle covers. Might win too.
Houston at Washington (+2.5) The siren call of the home underdog is impossible to resist. Wait, what? It’s the Redskins? Against Houston? Oh. Well. Never mind then, take Houston, give the points.
Jacksonville at San Diego (-7) See why I hate Norv Turner? I’d be over .500 if he wasn’t such a donkey. San Diego, you better hook me this week, or we are going to have a serious conversation about your future next week. Take the Chargers, give the points.
New England at New York Jets (+3) Hey, Jets? Stop calling other teams’ top players out the week you play them. At least win a game first before you anoint yourselves the greatest team ever. Home dog? Yes, please. Jets cover and win.
Younger Manning at Older Manning (-5) Clearly, I am the only one who could not care less about this Manning vs Manning crap. Peyton wins big because he needs to more. Oh, and, unlike Eli, he doesn’t suck. Take the Colts, give the points.
New Orleans at San Francisco (+5.5) Um, let’s see. A Mike Singletary team coming off of an embarrassing road loss getting points at home? Is this a typo? I don’t care if they are playing the 1978 Stillers, that is candy from a baby money. Take the Niners and don’t look that gift 5.5 points in the mouth.
COLLEGE SPECIAL DOUBLE DIP
Alabama at Duke (+23.5) Let’s be clear: Duke has no chance here. None. They are gonna get worked like the runway in “Zoolander” during the walk-off. They will lose by THREE TOUCHDOWNS and still cover, take Duke and the points.
Florida at Tennessee (+14) Say, you guys know Tim Tebow is gone, right? Dude, Tennessee is gonna WIN this game, much less cover. Good old Rocky Top, Rocky Top Tennessee.
Last week and Season:
NFL Overall 6-7-3, SCLPL 0-1, Upset special 1-0, College 0-1