2010 Week 3 NFL Picks Against The Spread
My 9-7 record last week puts me over .500 for the season. The Stone Cold Lead Pipe Lock™ failed again however, as did both college picks (one was a push). I did hit on the Upset Special™ again.
Once again, these picks are for entertainment purposes only. If you are gambling based on them, you may as well set your money on fire. Or mail it to me.
New Format, Favorite on the left, Home team in CAPS:
Philadelphia (2.5) at JACKSONVILLE: I blinked and missed the Kevin Kolb Era™. Enter Ron Mexico 2.0™. The new and improved Mike Vick, keeps his eyes downfield, looks to get teammates involved instead of just himself, thinks pass first, and, hopefully, doesn’t kill dogs any more. Eagles win and cover.
NEW YORK GIANTS (3) vs. Tennessee: This is a tough one. I could dazzle you with stats and what not, but, frankly, I’m lazy. Bottom line, Tennessee needs this one more, as they were bare bottom spanked by Pittsburgh at home last week. Take the Titans and the points.
NEW ENGLAND (14.5) vs. Buffalo: Great Googaly Moogaly©, that is a huge, HUGE number. Is Buffalo that bad? Think about this: Buffalo is starting a guy from Harvard at QB. Really? Really. NE rolls, take them give the points.
BALTIMORE (10.5) vs. Cleveland: Let’s get one thing clear. As long as Eric Mangini is the coach, I will never, EVER pick them for anything. Not in an NFL game, not against Ohio State, not against Berea High School in Akron, OH. Not in football. Not in field hockey. Not in freeze tag. I wouldn’t pick Eric Mangini to coach my dog to take a crap after she has eaten a box of Ex-Lax™. He is HOT GARBAGE. It is a CRIME that he has an NFL job and Jim Fassel is coaching in the UFL. Baltimore rolls, give the points. STONE COLD LEAD PIPE LOCK™.
Pittsburgh (2.5) at TAMPA BAY: Ok, Tampa, you got me last week by beating Carolina. This week you get the Stillers. Everybody who had the Stillers at 2-0 without Ben “Have Another Shot And I’ll Meet You In The Bathroom. No, The Men’s Room” Roethlisberger, raise your hands. Yinz are a bunch of liars. Pixburgh goes to 3-0, give the points.
Cincinnati (3) at CAROLINA: Carolina is the worst team in the NFC. Period. John Fox must have pictures of the owner with a donkey. Ochocinco and dem win big, give the points.
NEW ORLEANS (4) vs Atlanta: I’m torn. New Orleans has yet to look good, and Atlanta looked great last week. New Orleans is at home, but Atlanta is built to play in a dome as well. This is the week we find out how good both of these teams are. I think NO wins a shootout, but ATL covers, take the Falcons and the points.
San Francisco (3) at KANSAS CITY: I woke up in a cold sweat the other night thinking about what Mike Singletary would do if the 49ers go to 0-3. No chance that happens. KC just happens to be the opponent. Take SF, give the 3.
MINNESOTA (11) vs. Detroit: Minnesota’s season is on the line here. If they don’t get a win, it’s over, Johnny. What, you never saw Rambo™? Detroit is 2-0 vs the spread this season, and have covered the last four vs MIN. This is what we call a ka-ching trend. Minnesota wins, but that number is way too big, Lions cover. If they win, start the Farve retirement countdown. He will walk away if the season is beyond salvage. You heard it here first. Oh and this is the UPSET SPECIAL™.
HOUSTON (2.5) vs Dallas: I have so many one liners about this one going through my head that I can’t even narrow it down to one. Dallas needs a win here like Wade Phillips needs a clue. Houston wins BIG, take the Texans, give the points, and put Jerry Jones on suicide watch. (Mr. Gruden? A Mr. Jones is on line 3.)
Washington (3.5) at ST. LOUIS: I’m taking the Rams here. No justification whatsoever. The Skins are the right pick, they may win by two TDs. Jim Haslett is giggling in his sleep about blitzing a rookie QB. I’m still picking the Rams. Maybe because of the karma involved in a game where a Native American QB is playing against a team with a highly offensive Native American nickname.
Indianapolis (5.5) at DENVER: Man, talk about games I couldn’t care less about. Hold on, let me flip a coin – it’s heads, take Denver and the points. Wait, this is a two headed coin!
San Diego (5.5) at SEATTLE: Seattle, let me ‘splain something to you. You have messed me up twice in a row. Twice. That’s all you get. You don’t cover against a Norv Turner coached team at home against a rookie running back and YOU ARE DEAD TO ME!!! Seattle covers. Or else they sleep with the fishes.
ARIZONA (4.5) vs. Oakland: Bruce Gradkowski? Really? Take Arizona and give the points. Bruce Gradkowski. Come on, man.
MIAMI (2) vs New York Jets: Jets win, because they will not be distracted by Braylon Edwards’ Homeless Person’s Beard.
Green Bay (3) at CHICAGO: How in the name of Sam Sirhan Sirhan is Chicago 2-0? They have Jay Cutler at QB. JAY CUTLER. Green Bay stops this nonsense, take them, give the three.
Nevada (4) at BYU: BYU at home getting points coming off a tough loss? For real? Gimmie some of that, I love BYU with the four.
Last week (overall):
NFL 9-7 (15-14-3); College 0-1-1 (0-2-1); Stone Cold Lead Pipe Lock™ 0-1 (0-2); Upset Special™ 1-0 (2-0)