Shock and Awe: Cowboys Whack Wade Phillips Plus Tonight’s NFL Game vs. the Spread
Wherever you are, stop what you are doing and pour one out for my dead homie, Wade Phillips.
Below is, verbatim, an e-mail I received from a fan about this. (OK, it was my uncle, but he’s a fan too.) The sorely under punctuated stream of consciousness is mesmerizing.
“Sad, you mean to tell me that a 1 and 7 team of gutless quitters cant use a tried and true coach/puppet
Makes me sick, the look in his eyes says it all (they say “effin Scandrick”) I cried for much of the 2nd half
How ticked is J Jones gonna be in the offseason of unrest, he wants to be the Yankees of Football and spend a billion dollars on players and have them coached by his ego, I think the players union are going to want a baseball like agreement, and in his frustration JJ will be a willing accomplice in blowing it all up for an every man for himself league of haves and have nots
My greatest fear is that in a division with NY revenue, Snyder EGO and revenue, and Jones bigger EGO and bigger revenue, the Eagles quickly become handicapped without a cap, and BOOM (hello nike)
The ETN eagle television network becomes a premium pay per view channel, national tv games become a thing of the past, and don’t think idiots wont pay ‘cause even a bye week for the Eagles is hard to take
On the Brightside, uniforms will look a lot more nascarish with sponsorship, how much for an O lineman’s buttock billboard; imagine a jiggley geico ad on Jason peters hind parts, a blue Viagra pill on a d lineman stomachs, the slacks hoagie shack wack of the game, will seem like a quaint throwback; after a score a mandatory interview with Pam Oliver on the Bud Light touchdown spotlight right before the ensuing kickoff and Bret Favre for AARP on his consecutive game streak being in jeopardy because of a midweek Blue Cross Blue Shield colonoscopy segment gone terribly wrong
Aaarrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhh darn you jerry joonnnnnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeessssssssssssssssss”
Couldn’t have said it better.
Tonight, the Bengals are five point home dogs to the Pixburgh Stillers. If you have ever read this column (I know it’s a blog, column sounds better, shut up) you know that I am a huge fan of the home dog. Not tonight. Stillers in a laugher, give the five.